A conversation I had with Pete yesterday brought to light something that I've been kind of ignorning about myself, by reminding me of another conversation I had with Mikel while we were still dating. I was feeling particularly guilty about my grandparents, since I had just started coming into the realization that my mother and I basically stole their retirement from them. Mix this with my phobia of loved ones dying, and I was fairly distraught. I said, "If I could give them each ten years of my life and youth, I would." Mikel, sounding a bit frustrated, said "I hate this. I hate that you always feel like you have to give something up to get it. Why not just wish for them to get some of their youth back?"

This realization startled me. Why hadn't I thought of it? I mean, it's an impossible wish anyway. I realized, in that moment, that I had no expectation of gaining anything in life without losing something else. I'm still trying to work out if this is pessimism, or from my accumulativr experience. It's hard to look at the events of my life objectively.

Sweet dreams
that leave all worries behind you.

Hitler has hired ninjas to protect him from assasination attempts. Luckily, there is still one ninja left with honor. Tom Cruise stars in The Last Ninja.

That, or the Gundam Wing scientists have developed a time machine. Better than freeing the colonies? Send five emo teenage boys into the past to Take! Down! Hitler! with giant robots called Gundams.

Mark and I shouldn't talk for more than twenty minutes at a time. Ever.

Also? That Japanese are better than us at everything. Vid after the cut.( Read more... )

I really can't stand watching elderly or mentally handicapped people being abused. Children, for some reason, don't trigger quite the same response. I get the elderly aspect, I'm very close with my grandparents and the thought of them being abused as they get older abhores me. I'm less sure about the handicapped. I think it's because they don't understand it, can't understand it, and it makes me cringe.

Mark and I watched Moulin Rouge the other night, Mark seeing it for the first time. After the movie, Mark said "I'm glad you don't have tuberculosis."

Okay, so here are the facts.

1. Two nights ago, my upstairs neighbor and her boyfriend were having a very very loud fight - thumping, yelling, crashing.

2. She owns two pitbull puppies, whome they put out on the porch yesterday. They whined about it all day, also. At 1:50 am, I was startled awake because one of the dog's cries changed to screams of fear and pain, causing me to get out of bed and move to the sliding glass door in concern out of reflex, despite my inability to do anything.

3. The owner said "shut up", not angrily, but in that tired voice that dog owner's use when their dog has been making noise forever and they know that resistance is futile.

4. A couple minutes later I heard a door slam and someone running VERY quickly down the stairs. No car started.

5. At about 2, buckets of bleach water started being poured accross the porch above ours, and leaking down all over our porch. Scrubbing in between buckets.

6. The dogs were no longer making any noise.

Theory 1: Something happened to harm the puppy, and someone found it and ran it down to take it to the vet. Someone else began cleaning up the mess.

I am disinclined to believe this, because no car started, and these pitbull puppies were about eight months old. Ain't nobody can run an eight month old pitbull puppy down stairs that quickly. They just can't.

Theory 2: The boyfriend showed up and did something to harm the dog. The girlfriend brought the dog inside - perhaps put it in the bathtub? and proceeded to clean up the mess.

This is the theory I'm kind of leaning towards, because I can't imagine what happened to the puppy. I really can't imagine it's brother having hurt it that badly out of nowhere.

Theory 3: Someone else got hurt and the puppy got hurt incidentally. The assumed blood cleanup was dog and human, or perhaps the dog was screaming at seeing the person get hurt.

I'm not so sure about this one...although there must have been a lot of blood if it was blood cleanup, because they used three large buckets of bleach water. I assume it was blood over anything else due to the cleanup method.

So yeah. NOT sleeping well. I hope the puppy is okay.

So, I've always liked the idea of put out into the universe what you want and it will provide. Never really put too much stock into it, but I do kind of believe in a grand pattern and stuff. I don't know, faith isn't my strong point.

All I know is, I've been thinking about how much I want a friend lately. And in one day, Lorian contacts me, I get a wall post from Juls, and I get a call from my mom.

Even if it's not an exact science, maybe the idea is a little true.

Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass , they slip away across the universe

I spent about an hour today watching Burn Notice on TV while trying to learn how to french braid my own hair into pigtails. I made a few realizations.

One, Girl Scout cookies really aren't that great. I remember loving Trefoils (which is apparently the proper name for the shortbread cookies), but they were surprisingly dry. And very unbuttery, for shortbread. The Samoas are still pretty good, but it may be that they have coconut, and that's pretty much all I need for something to be delicious. The Tagalongs are better traded in for a peanut butter Twix.

Two, I will someday french braid my hair. I did make some progress. However, today is not that day.

Three. I am continuously impressed by the resourcefulness that goes into writing spy shows like Burn Notice. The episode I watched involved a bank robbery. In that one episode, there was a certain amount of medical knowledge, and just random tidbits that the average person probably doesn't think of. Mixing pharmacueticals, elevator jamming, what liquid nitrogen does to guns. I think it's interesting. It might be kind of fun being one of the fact checkers for this sort of thing, or fact finder, if there is such a thing. I think I would be good at it.

And I know that the time is just right
And straight into my arms you will run

So, I learned some things this week.

1. That thing with Mark and the spazzing was apparantly me changing, because I stopped falling back on tears at some point between then and the events of this past week or ten days or so. It's weird, but I've always wanted it, so thank god.

2. We are all alone in the end.

3. I'm not afraid of what I thought I was afraid of.

4. I can trust that people or things will change, and they iwil inevitably leave. (I'm not being emo, this is what I got out of a conversation with someone.)


Oh, and I'm in Orangevale until August. Not moving out this summer like I thought. Hopefully next summer.

Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have

Uh, hi. Some random thoughts.

Isn't sending a band you like a remix of their song kind of an insult?

And fuck webcomic artists that only let you contact them through a public forum. I'm too shy to show my appreciation in front of 74893275329 other people.

Oh, and I'm never coming back to Cali. You can't make me.

You come in to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy

Survey stolen fromnnumberoneblind

( follow the LJ cut road )

I said to myself: this affair never will go so well.
But why should I try to resist when, baby, I know so well

I love this artist. She's working on two long yaoi-licious arcs, but this short, 15 page one shot is beautiful, as well.

From Myself

Todokanai, my scanlation group, has moved our HQ to a community! todokanai_gw. MOOHAHAHAHA!

I was tagged by sinka!

My username, windarianbird, is actually kind of bittersweet in a very preteen way. There is an old anime movie called "Windaria". Synopsis here, download here. In the movie, souls are shown like this:

Thus, red birds. They are used somewhat dramatically in the movie, as both pairs of lovers end up betraying one another - one for the right reasons, one for the wrong. Either way, three of them die, the morally incorrect lover being the only one to survive. These birds enhance the sense of loss as you watch it fly away from the departed body. I chose this name because I wanted my journal handle to be something poetic and with meaning, even if it is only connected with a 1986 anime movie. That, and I wrote this piece of prose:

A perfect example of how love works without respect and trust. It ends. Then there are the loves that never begin, those are so many, yet so fleeting. Whoever is reading this,tell the one person that I've ever truly respected and truly trusted good-bye...oh wait, you can't...I killed him...just like the prince and princess never meant to be...I am now free, a glowing red bird, flying towards Windaria...but no one is chasing after me, because I do not fly alone...there are many others who fly with me...and all of them follow their destroyer...all of them follow me...

I wrote it when I was 14 or so, be nice.

ANYWAY! I tag jeweledwidow and thefaeway and xandrew_phreak(if he looks at my lj? o.o;) and unworthymessiah (if he looks either, which I doubt and FINALLY numberoneblind

Friday: Actually had a pretty good day at work. Spent half of it chasing fishes around to satisfy plano requirements. One fish managed to get caught on a loose thread and wrap it around his dorsal fin in about ten seconds, which was SUPER FUN to fix. Had fun hanging with Brittany and Sarah, though. Chris came over, too, and we talked about Mormons and religion and how silly it is. Also talked to Chris later that night about drinking and driving tickets and dead people. Pretty morbid, but fun. I really like the people at this store.
Saturday: The Wedding. Dun dun dunnnn. I had to go out to buy shoes for the dress, seeing as how Millie ate the sandals I always used to wear. Grandma came with me and I ended up getting two pairs for thirty dollars, not bad. They’re both really cute. Went to the wedding, which was up 50, off of Watt. On the way, there’s a street called “Manlove”. Tee-hee. Need to get a picture of that street sign someday. Maybe send it to Un or turn it into an icon or something. The wedding was funn-ish. I got to do some dancing. I drove back and forth, um…4? Times, though. Took Dan’s dad and step mom home, dropped off a load of crap, dropped off another load of crap and Sam…so I guess that’s three. Mikel’s uncles got drunk, which was eh. Mikel had to fight them off of the alcohol. Everything wasn’t said and done until about 2 am. Ugh.
Sunday: Saw Pirates with my mum and went out to dinner. Pirates was decent (I think), and I enjoyed it. We tried to go to Danielle’s Crêpery, but they closed at 3, so we went to Chili’s. The onion blossom was kind of gross, and the food was so-so at best. I don’t think that I’ll be going there again. Hung out that night with Josh, Jacqueline, and Josh’s sister, Lauren. We went bowling (I still suck) and to Denny’s. Jacqueline is so clingy! She straddled Josh in the bowling chair while we were there, which was kina slutty, but whatever. Apparently, Josh is going to ask her to marry him this week. I don’t think that’s a very good idea, because Josh is heading out to Iraq soon, and they’ve never really been apart for a long time where Jacqueline couldn’t see him. We tried to go to Kiss ‘n Tell, but they were closed at midnight.
Monday: Went to the gym, went to work. Lesse…oh, got to set up the habitat for some mice up for adoption. That was fun.
Tuesday: Meh. Long-ish day. Had fun after hours, though, while we were waiting for the floor people to hurry up. Played with the mice, guinea pigs, and snakes. Also had a land turtle pow wow, which was adorable. Oh, and Derek sprayed me in the face with that bitter stuff you spray to stop dogs from chewing, which was really really gross. I’m going to spray some on Derek’s pop tarts when he’s not looking! Ahahahahaha!

Today! I have gone to the gym, walked the dogs, and I was going to wash my car, but I'm afraid time will get away with me. SO! I'm going to tidy up my room and change Parker Jones' cage, and do my car (inside and out) tomorrow. Finally!

Note: I LOVE that I've talked to Kels so much these past couple of days. I need to talk to that girl way more often. Which reminds me, I need to call Nick, Sandy, Juls, Scott, and talk to Pete...>.>;; I'm so BAD with that!

And that’s it! :D

A feeling you want more
And more